True Crime in Quotes

"Serial murder may be a much older phenomenon than we realize. The stories that filter down about witches and werewolves and vampires may have been a way of explaining outrages so hideous that no one in the small and close-knit towns of Europe and early America could comprehend the perversities we now take for granted. Monsters had to be supernatural creatures. They couldn't be just like us."

~John Douglas and Mark Olshaker, true crime authors

"People with narcissistic personality disorder not only have to be the center of attention, they create drama in their lives. They are a one-person wrecking crew." 

~Candice DeLong, Deadly Women, Vicious Vixen

"Somebody framed me." 

~Ed Gein

“The killing was a means to an end. That was the least satisfactory part. I didn’t enjoy doing that. That’s why I tried to create living zombies with uric acid in the drill [to the head], but it never worked. No, the killing was not the objective. I just wanted to have the person under my complete control, not having to consider their wishes, being able to keep them there as long as I wanted.”

~Jeffrey Dahmer

"If we believe that murder is wrong and not admissible in our society, then it has to be wrong for everyone, not just individuals but governments as well."

~Helen Prejean, Dead Man Walking

“As far as I’m concerned,” said Judge Mills Lane, “they committed one of the most heinous crimes that I’ve been involved in, both as a prosecutor and a judge. I was a judge for eight years and a prosecutor for twenty. Everyday they breathe, there’s no justice. And that’s the way I feel about them.” 

~Judge Mills Lane, The U-Haul Murders

"Hell, I've been sued for things I didn't even know happened, but [Nevada is] one of the least sued highway patrols in the western part of the country.” 

~Former Col. Mike Hood, NHP

"Propofol is, in a nutshell, the world's most powerful anti-breathing drug." 

 ~Mystery Detectives, Needle in a Haystack,

James Colaw State Attorney (his quote)

"We serial killers are your sons, we are your husbands, we are everywhere. And there will be more of your children dead tomorrow."

~Ted Bundy, serial killer quotes

"Homeschooling is a godsend for abusive parents, they can get away with their crimes longer." 

~Candice DeLong Deadly Women

“I seen Dracula movies. I watch a lot of those. But I don’t drink people’s blood; I drink animal blood, sometimes I don’t cook it, I eat it. People, no, but I look at people, and I think... maybe soon.”

~Alvaro Calambro, The U-Haul Murders

"If they want him, he'll be there to perform his civic duty. However, I don't htink he has a good enough handle on the justice system to make any informed decisions."

~Stephani McLaughlin says about her 17-year-old pet TURTLE,

Max, when he was summoned for jury duty. According to 

Newsweek, May 14, 2001, Max could not be reached for comment

Hundreds of FREE True Crime Stories with Amazon Prime

Books We've Read: The Devil in White City

 Murder, Magic, and Madness

at the Fair that Changed America

1893 may have been a dynamic year for Chicago, boasting the World's Columbian Exposition (that we forevermore know as the "World's Fair") that put to shame all others--giving us the "Cracker Jack" among other truly exceptional inventions--but it was the events that happened behind the scenes that forever changed lives.

The fair was just the proper breeding ground for disasters ... including a serial killer.

The Devil in the White City

~by Erik Lawson

That something had occurred in that summer of the world's fair was beyond doubt, but darkness too had touched the fair. Scores of workers had been hurt or killed in building the dream, their families cosigned to poverty. Fire had killed fifteen more, and an assassin had transformed the closing ceremony from what was to have been the century's greatest celebration into a vast funeral. Worse had occurred, too, although those revelations emerged only slowly. A murderer had moved among the beautiful things..."

Books We've Read: Under the Banner of Heaven

What makes brothers have the same psyche that says it's not only okay to kill, but it's demanded from most high?

Jon Krakauer's Under the Banner of Heaven, the story of "violent faith," when in the early summer of '84, two brothers on the orders of God killed a mother and her infant daughter.

Under the Banner of Heaven examines the religion, the crimes, and the history of how everything got to this point. Travel the story which includes the infamous Nauvoo and Warren Jeffs.

Under the Banner of Heaven

~by Jon Krakauer

..."I've always been interested in God and the Kingdom of God," [Dan Lafferty] says. "It's been the center of my focus since I was a young child." And he is certain God intended for him to kill Brenda and Erica Lafferty: "It was like someone had taken me by the hand that day and led me comfortably through everything that happened. Ron had received a revelation from God that lives were to be taken. And if God wants something done, it will be done..."

True Crime Fanatic: What We're Reading from the Local Public Library

True Crime Fanatic: What We're Reading 

Twisted Triangle by Caitlin Rother. My second read-it's as good as the first time. Who doesn't want to get into the minds of an amazingly accomplished writer, a crazed FBI agent, and a woman-also an FBI agent-who refused to go down TWICE? "[Our minister] has got explosives around his waist. I'll kill us all. Come on, let's talk, or we'll all die," he said, the frustration in his voice rising. "Do you want to die?" Audible book FREE with Audible trial Twisted Triangle: A Famous Crime Writer, a Lesbian Love Affair, and the FBI Husband's Revenge http://www.cracked.com/personal-experiences-1574-5-realities-when-your-life-sensational-news-story.html 

In Contempt Christopher Darden “…Object. Object. Object!” This was the trap they’d been waiting to spring for nine months. How hard is it to fin some witness to come in and corroborate the defense claim that Fuhrman had used the word in the past ten years? If they could lead Rosa Lopez into saying that she saw a Bronco where there was none, how hard would it be to find someone to testify against the most reviled police officer in L.A.? “Object,” I said. But Marcia [Clark] didn’t object. 

 Silent Coup Len Colony and Robert Gettlin “The booty also included information on a more legitimate problem that was vexing the Joint Chiefs, how the Vietcong seemed to learn in advance of the bombing raids what arms caches and base camps the Americans had targeted…” 

 The Game of the Foxes Ladislas Farago The United States? Hitler shrugged. It was too remote and too little involved in the affairs of Europe. He did not care, he said, what happened in America. Canaris was visibly relieved that Hitler was not extending the ban on the far side of the Atlantis. For strange as it was, for a country so remote and neutral, the United States loomed enormously in the affairs of the Abwehr. 

 A Man Named Dave Dave Pelzer And yet it all seemed surreal to me, how Mother could turn her hatred against her other children. Part of me had always feared for them. As a young boy surviving in darkness, I had known what to expect from Mother, to the point that I could predict her moods. Thinking ahead, staying a step or two ahead of her, not only kept me alive and gave me a protective armor, but became a way of life for me. Before Kevin was born, I was never sure if Mother would suddenly strike out against Ron, Russell, or even Stan. Before I was taken away, as I sat o my hands in the basement, I would cringe whenever I heard my brothers come through the front door and walk into the house as if they were entering a minefield…. 

 The Lost Boy Dave Pelzer “After the effects of the trial had worn off, my insides became numb. I fully realized that Mother could not physically harm me. But I still felt an eerie sensation that told me Mother was somewhere out there, coiled like a rattlesnake, wanting to reach out and strike with a vengeance.” 

Jimmy and Rosalyn Carter Everything to Gain …this book deals with health—emotional and spiritual as well as physical. What can each of us do to protect our health, to live more years and to have more life in each year? What problems or priorities help or hinder us toward our goals? How are our habits shaped by our families? Our religion? Our background? 

 Death of a Tycoon Nick Davies “Sometimes I don’t know why I go on. Everything I try, people turn against me… I’ve got no friends, no one I can turn to… no one to share my life with… sometimes I think I should just end it all, throw myself out of the window… I sometimes feel I can’t go on.” 

Mengele Gerald L. Posner and John Ware “…SS men came and took two children away. They were two of my pets, Tito and Nino. One of them was a hunchback. Two or three days later, an SS man brought them back in a terrible state. They had been cut. The hunchback was sewn to the other child, back to back, their wrists back to back, too…” 

The Twisted Cross Joseph J. Carr “… the murderer of millions and destroyer of an entire continent, adored child star Shirley Temple! Hitler’s favorite movie, which was shown over and over in the fuehrer’s headquarters, was Walt Disney’s Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. Perhaps his love for Snow White was not so strange after all, however, for Hitler was fanatical over the concept of ‘purity,’ especially aryan racial purity…” 

Love and Death Max Wallace and Ian Halperin “People with PhD’s saw [Kurt Cobain] the day he left [rehab] and nobody, nobody, expected that he would leave, let alone that he would be suicidal,” [Courtney Love] told [Tom] Grant. “And I don’t think that he was really suicidal when he came home. But whoever he was with drove him to it.” 

 In My Father’s Name Mark Arax “They packed the place that first Saturday night, the curious ogling the spot where Dad went down, where the bullets reamed the wall.” 

The Things They Carried Tim O’Brien “The average age in our platoon, I’d guess, was nineteen or twenty, and as a consequence things often took on a curiously playful atmosphere, like a sporting event at some exotic reform school. The competition could be lethal, et there was a childlike exuberance to it all, lots of pranks and horseplay. Like when Azar blew away Ted Lavender’s puppy. “What’s everybody so upset about?” Azar said. I mean, Christ, I’m just a boy.”

Super Bowl Sunday LI (51)

Because we already have enough weirdos outside our doors.

A yearly celebration of America's favorite sport combined with great food and drinks-an accident waiting to happen. Or is it? It's no accident you driving drunk. It's no accident when your child is killed by a drunk driver. At some point, someone chose to drink and had not made prior plans to stay off the road. It's not an accident and it can be prevented.

Drunk driving and child graves are the reason there is something called "responsible driving" and it starts BEFORE you take your first step. It starts BEFORE you get to the party. It starts when you have a ride already lined up.

Note to sober self: with the first sip, your rational decision-making is already dwindling; make plans now.


Bless you today and always.

True Crime Fanatic

PS: Go 'Niners! (that's what die-hard fans say)

Churchill's Secret Agent

In war, ordinary men become soldiers, on extraordinary man became a hero.

“There are a terrible lot of lies going about the world, and the worst of it is that half of them are true.”

~Winston Churchill

Churchill's Secret Agent

a novel based on a true story

~by Max and Linda Ciampoli

"One extraordinary man" doesn't come close to all the heroes you'll meet in this story, however it is novelized-fiction at it's finest: there's action, exotic locations, war, blood, suspense, terror, defeat, surrender, and heroes. 

When the Nazi's invaded France, Marc left school to join the military. Because of his extensive education-based upbringing by a nearly non-existant dad and a mother who wasn't allowed near her son, Marc quickly found himself in the elite Alpine infantry. On skis.

Enter Winston Churchill. Marc's godfather gave word to his longtime neighbor that Marc was needing to do more for the Allies. The neighborly Churchill summoned Marc to England and into extensive and difficult training that would come to bear the ending of war in France and in fact, the very life of a hero.

Sometimes known as Michel Carbonell, Marc flew in planes and under the sea to get to most destinations where he often had to parachute to relative safety in order to spread false rumors the Nazi's would pick up on or to give money to the Resistance in hopes to defeat the enemies as quickly as possible.

Twice captured and twice escaped, Marc suffered loss of vision, broken limbs, and enough blood and gore to make a "normal" person crack. Marc wasn't normal. 

By the near-end of the war in France, Marc is back up and on his best secret mission yet: he and trained-by-him special soldiers are going to give the last push back to the Nazi soldiers hidden in the rockiest mountains. That's when a lone bullet hits its mark and ... 

Easy to read, the somewhat new information and excitement over a young hero and a vulnerable nation surviving due in part to one of the most well known person during the times, Winston Churchill, Churchill's Secret Agent delivers all it promises and more, though it falls flat at the end. But a dull ending is forgivable since the true ending goes with the fall of the Nazi regime and another win for the Allies. rated 4 bloody knives

Once upon a time--for real--Oprah was not known world-wide, and we didn't realize yet that Ann Rule would be the undisputed Queen of True Crime (was true crime writing even a genre yet, really?). I was sitting with my brother-in-law, Tony, and our friend, Mike, and talking about Oprah's name and where on Earth it came from (shoot, where did SHE come from?), when a voice on television caught our attention.

It was Ann Rule, talking with Diane Downs, a convicted murderer of her own children, a psychopathic beast if ever there was one.  

This was back in the day where there was no Internet, no instant look-up, and even television was limited for most of us.

 It happened that I had read Ann's story, Small Sacrifices: A True Story of Passion and Murder (Signet), before the airing of this episode, causing me to sit spellbound throughout the interview (to this day, Diane Down's story is the most incredulous, mind-numbing true crime story I've ever studied).

 I now was hooked to Oprah, Ann Rule, and true crime faithfully.

Fast forward: Oprah is a country of her own, Ann Rule has put true crime on the writing genre map more than any other true crime writer, and I've remained faithful and dedicated to true crime, mostly advocating for victims through writing with sincere passion (even the years I was offline and out of whack).

I am pleased to say that though I have made a difference in lives, I am more honored and amazed at what a difference each of the families have made in my life. It takes a lot for a family to share their most intimate and painful secrets and to see them published for the world-talk about a near-crime within a crime, and yet, they do. 

For victims and their families, I dedicate this blog to finding the missing, solving the unsolved, and justice.

~~~

If you have a crime to share, we can promise nothing, but we give time, hope, exposure, and someone who cares; email us.

Coroner at Large by Thomas T. Noguchi, M.D. (with Joseph Dimona)

Coroner at Large
 America's most famous medical detective challenges the verdicts in the most controversial murders and deaths of our time

Coroner at Large
Rated 4 Bloody Knives

 "...the corpse with one testicle instead of two, and the wrong teeth, was not and could not be Adolf Hitler's. The Soviets had autopsied the wrong man."

The difference between Coroner at Large and most other true crime books is that it's a collection of different cases and opinions rather than a narrative nonfiction story or even a collection of stories ( i.e. Fatal Friends, Deadly Neighbors: Ann Rule's Crime Files Volume 16), but that doesn't make it boring.

Thomas T. Noguchi, as the former Chief Medical Examiner, Los Angeles County, dealt with celebrities. The only disappointing thing to most of us, is that his celebrities were undeniably dead; what they weren't, however, when he first laid eyes--or hands--on them, was designated a cause of death. 

In Coroner at Large, rather than going through his own celebrated autopsies, he tackles the controversial cases that continue to have so many unanswered questions, no one can agree on what really happened:

Claus Von Bulow, Jeffery MacDonald, Jean Harris, Buddy Jacobsen, Dorothy Dandridge, Sal Mineo, Freddie Prinze, Dorothy Stratten, Dennis Wilson, Elvis Presley, Custer, Napoleon, Jack the Ripper, and others.

Noguchi feels comfortable and easily explains facts about the death scene and all the circumstances surrounding that time period and location. He then lays out what went down after the cause of death was listed, usually a trial and conviction. 

Going a step further, Noguchi theorizes each point of the case from the death--and possible crime--scene to the body to the witnesses and he patiently shares his opinion to the conclusion of the star's last light's out.

Without giving anything away, there was one case that surprised us more than any other: the death of the infamous Scarsdale Diet doctor, Herman Tarnower, as this case was highly publicized. We couldn't imagine he could bring something "new" to the table. 

The book is an easy read, takes you to places only the wealthy get to be, and holds your attention. If there is a downfall (and there is), it's that in several included cases, Noguchi brings us toward the conclusion only to let us down by not committing to an answer-if that's the case, it should have been left out of the book. Whether his opinion is right or wrong, we're reading this to learn what a medical examiner sees that we couldn't possibly know. By purchasing this book, we're saying, "We want to know what you really think happened!"

Were any of these cases prior outcomes changed because of the Coroner at Large publication? You'll have to read to find out for yourself.

Coroner is the first book in the Coroner Series of two 
[so we are including it here first. However, keep in mind, we read Coroner at Large this week]

Scroll up for the second book, Coroner at Large.

Coroner at Large by Thomas T. Noguchi, M.D. with Joseph Dimona (RIP, 11.11.99) is the book I finished, but his first book, Coroner, is FREE IF you have Kindle Unlimited. The books are based on Dr. Noguchi's cases of extremely famous people, such as Kennedy and Monroe. The second book-the one I read-he shares insight into a few highly publicized cases (Elvis, Playboy's Stratton, and the Scarsdale Diet Doctor murder, for instance) in which he believes possibly the opposite of what the actual outcomes in court came to be. Easy to read, bite sized chunks of chapters, and believable.

Click for books by Thomsas T. Noguchi

Click for works by Joseph Dimona

Click here for works by Ann Rule

True Crime Fanatic wants you to know: Not all the links on our website are affiliate-related, but the few that are we appreciate you using (such as book links to Amazon), each year we spend up to $600 a year on publicizing cases and volunteer ALL OUR TIME. We urge you to choose TCF.

From Ashes Come... More Ashes - Then Beautiful Things GROW

My Dearest Victims of Violent Crime, Depression Sufferers, and All-Around Not-Sure-How-I-Got-This-Low-In-My-Life:

Dreaming is great, but ultimately, reality strikes us in the face and often. 

Look, you can dream, you can hope; you should. Without dreams and hopes of change, we couldn't possibly get better (well, there's luck, but not only is that a different story, but those of you suffering from some sort of chronic and serious debilitation or suffering, luck may not be your friend). Again: TO GET AHEAD AND TO ACHIEVE GREATNESS IN ALL WAYS YOU MUST DREAM AND HOPE AND NEVER EVER GIVE UP and maybe thrive on the little failures (ultimately, they'll be little, because you, Dear Reader, WILL come out on top).

But... from ashes come ashes. You first must be real. You always must greet reality with the same positiveness and open arms as you do your dreams. Reality is AWESOME even when it's been quite negative. 

In order to initiate change, things actually HAVE to be negative and maybe even harsh, that's what makes us want-NEED-change. Negative is a great motivator and often more so than positive.

The woman who inherited a great sense of business, a Stanford-Education, and a hundred million dollars can improve and use the greatness to CONTINUE her perceived greatness. Yet, the people who inspire us most are the Homeless-to-Harvard (the Liz Murray story) stories; the stories where the main character overcomes a negative obstacle.

Are you doubting me? Are you mocking me? Because guess what a good book or a good movie have in it? An antagonist and/or a horrible situation to get over. To overcome. To achieve. And we buy it (or at least those of us who can afford the books or movie tickets). In fact, if I even consider submitting a work of fiction (or narrative non-fiction) without some serious conflict to overcome... well, I'll be the owner of a rejection slip (if they consider replying at all).

Are you sifting through ashes now? It's okay. You will be okay. Things WILL get better. This IS temporary.

Find someone you can trust to talk to (counselor, doctor, friend, police, teacher, cousin, etc.) and try to make peace with the ashes because out of the ashes, dreams become reality. 

~~~~~~~~*****~~~~~~~~

Have you joined us for our Depression Wednesday chats? Let's keep the conversation going and get depression talked about. Facebook.

~~~~~~~~*****~~~~~~~~

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A Conversation With Sacco & Vanzetti Author Bruce Watson

Click here to purchase Sacco & Vanzetti: The Men, the Murders, and the Judgment of Mankind by Bruce Watson     Read the first chapter FREE!

A Conversation With Sacco & Vanzetti: The Men, the Murders, and the Judgment of Mankind Author  Bruce Watson

Is the Sacco-Vanzetti case as well-known now as it was a generation ago? If so, why--or, why not?

Bruce Watson: It is by no means as well known now and is on the verge of being forgotten. Many high school history texts either omit the case or give it a mere paragraph. Peter Jennings' landmark book on the 20th century (The Century) did not even mention Sacco and Vanzetti. While writing my book, I rarely met a person who had heard of the case. A generation ago, the names Sacco and Vanzetti instantly conjured up controversy, injustice, mystery, and possible guilt. I believe the reason for the current amnesia is, in part, generational. Much of history is passed on by word of mouth and most older people who might remember the ongoing castor who heard about it from their parents have passed on. But the amnesia may also have to do with a modern reluctance to focus on the flip side of the American dream. Sacco and Vanzetti, whether guilty or innocent, deserved a second trial and their execution in the face of massive doubts about their first trial shocked the world. This truth may still be a bit too shocking for some Americans to face when celebrating "The American Century."

You say "guilty or innocent; were they guilty or innocent?

Bruce Watson: Perhaps both. Perhaps. They were certainly guilty of conspiracy in one of the most massive terrorist bomb plots in American history. When eight midnight bombs went off up and down the East Coast one June night in 1919, pamphlets signed "The Anarchist Fighters" were found in the rubble. "The Anarchist Fighters" were all very good friends of Sacco and Vanzetti, fellow Boston-based anarchists with whom they had fled to Mexico to dodge the draft. No one knows whether Sacco and Vanzetti planted the bombs, made the bombs, or just stood by and said nothing, but they certainly attended the weekly meetings of The Anarchist Fighters in which the plot was discussed, hence they were guilty of conspiracy. As to being guilty of the two gangland murders for which they were executed... I'd rather not say.

Rather not say?

Bruce Watson: I have an opinion but throughout my book, I kept it to myself. Here's why. There have been many books on the case in which the author hammered home a personal verdict, guilty or innocent. These books did not make good reading. They resembled legal briefs more than narratives. I decided early on to let the reader decide. Readers are not stupid and are capable of making up their minds, so I laid out the evidence--all I could get for both sides--and avoided giving my opinion which I'd rather not give here. At the very end, I tallied the evidence on both sides, asking "what about" questions. If they were guilty, why did the one witness who heard a gunman speak say he had no accent, when theirs were both quite pronounced? But if they were innocent, what were they doing armed to the teeth when arrested? Whey did their former lawyer later say he thought they were guilty? The doubts, the mysteries, and the possibilities pile up. I have my opinion but I prefer to let you decide.

Why did the Sacco-Vanzetti case resonate around the world?

Bruce Watson: By the time they were executed, Sacco and Vanzetti were the most famous men in the world. In the weeks prior to their executions, protests rocked every major capital city from from Tokyo to Marrakech, from Buenos Aires to London, from Sydney to Johannesburg. Why? First of all, the injustices in denying a second trial were so enormous. A biased jury foreman, a judge who called them "anarchistic bastards," a cop who swore his ballistics testimony had been coerced, a confession exonerating the men--all these and more were ignored by the Massachusetts courts. That got headlines. But the Sacco-Vanzetti Defense Committee, which spent nearly $300,000 on the case in seven years, did a masterful job of publicity. Pamphlets, mailings, posters, meetings--they did it all. Above all, they alerted labor activists in every Western country and from these workers, Communist locals got the word and rallied their own loyalists. But it's important to note that the uprising was not merely political. Intellectuals like George Bernard Shaw, academics, clergymen, statesmen, scientists (Albert Einstein, Marie Curie), and others also made public statements calling for clemency or a second trial. And because the case dragged on year after year, the outcry snowballed into the greatest cause célèbre the world had or has ever seen.

In what way did the political climate under which Sacco and Vanzetti were tried and executed resemble the political climate today?

Bruce Watson: I'm wary of drawing parallels in history which, contrary to common wisdom, does not repeat itself. I prefer Mark Twain's quip: "History does not repeat itself, but it rhymes." In no ways America 2007 as intolerant as Massachusetts was in 1927. However, there are a few rhymes. To convict Sacco and Vanzetti in the face of abundant evidence casting doubt upon their guilt, the jury had to accept common stereotypes about Italians as criminals. Jurors may also, although each denied it, have been heavily swayed by their anarchist background which was detailed during the trial. Anarchists were the "terrorists" of their time, implicated and convicted in numerous bombings and assassinations since 1890. In addition, in sending Sacco and Vanzetti to the electric chair after the entire world had learned of blatant judicial bias, tainted witnesses, and possible tampering with evidence, and the Commonwealth smugly and self-righteously assumed they knew best and could not possibly have made an error. And sadly, although America has come a long way in eighty years, such self-righteousness, prejudice, and assumption of guilt based on ethnicity can be seen in the way we are treating many Arabs and Arab-Americans in custody today. Despite our ideal of presumed innocence, they are presumed guilty.

There have been more than a dozen books on the case. Why another one?

Bruce Watson: As noted before, despite being household names a generation ago, Sacco and Vanzetti are on the verge of being forgotten. Mine is the first full-length narrative in thirty years. Many of the others were marred by polemics. Recent academic research into their anarchist background has never included a narrative. Finally, my own research has turned up all sorts of new information, never-before-published letters from both the English and Italian, details of pre-trial preparations on both sides, and richer portraits of their lawyers, the judge, and the D.A.

Honesty--the Best Policy (2000)

Honesty--The Best Policy  
by Teraisa J. Goldman
 
The U-Haul Murders: True Crime and Capital Punishment, my book in progress, has brutal crimes in it. Try to imagine being one of the victims surviving family member. How would you feel if someone you never knew came up and asked you personal questions that required you to remember things you didn't want to; memories so painful, they set you back two weeks when you do think about them.  

Three years I would search for Clarence and Betty Crawford. The entire time, I knew they may close the door in my face once they met me and realized I was writing about their daughter, Peggy, her life, and her barbaric death. Although I had already interviewed about 100 people and I could still write the story, but it wouldn't mean as much to me, or the reader, without knowing more about Peggy.
 
Writing letters is the most effective way to let people know what you are doing, especially when the writing is of this nature. It gives them time to grasp what is going on. If their first thought is to say "no," it gives them the chance to change their mind--and vice versa. It gives them the chance to not be caught off guard, and then to be mad because they never had a chance to gain control of themselves or their emotions.
 
I began my investigation for the book by reading newspaper accounts of the crimes. Because of pressing deadlines, news journalists often don't have the time they need to make sure the facts are correct. But, in general, they have great informational leads. I used these news articles when I first began my search for the Crawfords. Letters came back, marked "address unknown" and "return to sender."
 
I never gave up completely, but I just could not find this family. I searched the Internet, reread court documents, transcripts and newspapers. I also asked anyone that might even remotely have any information about them and their whereabouts. Nothing--or nothing new, I should say.
I continued interviewing and writing, but every other week, I would sit and wonder how I was going to find Peggy's family. And every week, I gave up, temporarily.
 
During an interview, I learned the Crawfords had moved to my state of Nevada, and in fact, lived near me! Excitedly, I wrote a new letter to the family listed in the phone book.
Two weeks later, I received the letter back: "no such address."
 
That night happened to be the night of a state execution, the first in Nevada since 1996, and the seventh since the United States Supreme Court reinstated the death penalty in the 1970's. Although it was a different crime, I realized by attending the execution (outside the gates), I could use the experience and feelings in my book.
 
To make a long story short, there were two groups standing outside the prison, protesters and people with candles, standing in memory of the soon-to-be executed's victims.
 
I felt a tremendous pull to the side of the memories, although my curiosity wanted me to check out the protesters. With tears in my eyes, and more emotion pouring from my heart than I could ever understand, I walked to the small group of candle holders and intruded. A man put his arm around me and asked if I was okay. I was shocked. I wanted to know if they were okay. He comforted me, while I explained why I was there. It turned out they were all family members of loved ones that had been killed by violence.
 
"Have you met Betty and Clarence Crawford?" he asked. He stepped back and let me see what three years of searching could not produce for me. Next, he introduced me to the nicest people you could ever want to meet.
 
I was not rude, I did not try to get information. However, I did tell them the truth, that I was a writer and that I had been looking for them. We exchanged phone numbers, addresses and hugs. A bond between us formed that night.
 
As soon as I got home, I sent them the original letter. Although we had talked on the phone, and everything was good between us, after they received the letter I did not hear from them for three weeks. I had their number, but I refused to intrude again, without their blessings. They are more to me than a story, they are humans, and humans mean much more to me than that.
 
Finally, a call! Clarence called and apologized. He had a difficult time, but he wanted me to write the story. All of it. He wanted me to have all the information I needed. He and Betty came to this conclusion because they liked the difference between me and reporters sticking microphones in their faces, then twisting their words around until they are unrecognizable. They appreciate that their daughter and her story matter to me.
 
I smile, because they know me well. I was scared to tell them what I wanted, but I was honest, and I was myself. And in the end... that's what always prevails.

Inconceivable Acts: Could This Be Me? (1999)

Could This Be Me?
 by Teraisa J.  Goldman
 
Imagine my surprise--horror, really--to find I have the same type of tendencies as Richard Daniel Starrett (Danny), a serial criminal serving five life sentences or more.

Here is a young man, raised in a good home by a traditional moral two-parent family. His parents show love in front of the children and have enviable careers. Except for headaches, there is nothing wrong nor unusual about Danny. He is the favorite child of his parents and his siblings.

Yet, a day came when his family got a call they will never forget. Danny was a fugitive and wanted by the police for kidnapping and rape (later they would learn there were several of these crimes committed, as well as murder).

Danny was married and had a daughter. He worked hard and made good money. What went wrong? His subsequent arrest and confession surprised and shocked his entire family. A Stranger In the Family, written by Steven Naifeh and Gregory White Smith (authors of The Mormon Murders *) was not the most memorable book I ever read, but it was the one that most made me identify with the bad guy.

This is scary. Normally, when reading, I may think I am a bit of an oddball simply for enjoying a well written crime book, but to identify with a killer? Oh boy!

Many times, we can place ourselves in the victim's shoes and ask questions--what would I have done? What could have been done differently? But how often do we put ourselves in the criminal's shoes? Rarely, I bet.

You know why? Because to do so would be admitting we could do something heinous like torture or kill. And we would not do that. We could not. Right?

I am not so sure anymore. While I do not think there are many people such as Danny in this world (a possible multiple personality disorder and definitely obsessive compulsive person), I do believe we all have the capability in us to commit serious criminal acts.

Think back to the Donner Party or the doomed soccer players trapped in the snow and wilderness, death staring them in the eyes while the bodies of their dead friends are close by. Death by hunger is eminent and lingering heavily. Nothing could convince me any ONE of these people would have ever thought they could do the unthinkable and eat the flesh of another human (much less a human they knew) a month before it actually happened. But they did, and by doing so, they saved their own lives.

I know under normal circumstances and conditions I would never dine on my friends to save my life, even if they are dead. But those are not ordinary times. Situations develop and happen.

"Teraisa," you say, "you are talking about something different. Those weren't crimes."

True. But they are inconceivable acts.

How about this scenario: A woman kills a man while he rapes her. Or: a stranger enters your house and creeps into your children's room. Startled and alerted to the intrusion, you load your gun...

As you are forced to defend yourself, you can suddenly become a killer. A forgivable one, but a killer nonetheless, by doing the inconceivable.

By using these particular stories of cannibalism and self defense, I am merely showing you it is possible to do the unthinkable.

"To save your life, sure, that's another story altogether," you point out. "It's still not the same."

You are right. It is not the same. We are driven to the same conclusions, though, as the murderer when the situation calls for it and when we can justify it.

This is what makes and keeps us different. We can commit the most inconceivable acts, but only under the right circumstances.

But as I read this book, I found something else that made me like Danny. Danny said he did not want to do these things, he explained that he had to do them. At first, his crimes seem to be an uncontrollable impulse, but later in the book, he lets us in on his other personality. Do not worry, I do not have another being living in me (I doubt Danny does, either), but I do have uncontrollable impulses.

I have to work at all times. If I am at a red light, I sort through my mail. A wait at the doctor's office allows me to balance my checkbook. Forget television, I cannot sit still long enough... unless I am folding laundry or writing a letter, that is. And yes, I am the person you heard about who makes lists of things to do while in the throes of passion.

It drives my family crazy. It drives me crazy. I tried to be different, but learned it was easier to live with it than to fight it.

So, now, I have to wonder, I know I am capable of committing inconceivable acts and I am aware I am obsessive compulsive. Could I have done what Danny did?

------------------------------------------------------------

The Author notes:

I would never kill anyone unless in self defense, or in defense of another human being. I believe those that kill for any other reason must have a psychopathic disorder (AKA sociopath). 

Psychopaths know right from wrong, but consciously they choose to follow a sinister path. Their crimes are often likened to a sport and decidedly NOT defense. The real difference between he and myself--or you? We are not morally insane.

*This is an excellent book, the information revealed in it caught me by surprise.